I’m addicted to revelation. The idea that if I think it over enough, or talk it over enough, or give it enough time, read the right books and have the right experience at the right time, and say it enough times to the right people, I will arrive upon THE ANSWER, and that longing in my soul for peace will finally be satisfied. Even this post is an attempt at a revelation: the idea that I can turn a corner and get closer to a transcendent state merely by surrendering … by admitting that I have no fucking clue what’s going on. What it’s all about.
Live the questions, right? Yeah well, anyway.
Weekend was pretty great (am I attesting too much?). Spent Saturday at the beach near Sandy Hook with my cousin Kate and her parents. It was like old times: all those summers spent together on the beach in North Carolina. (Side note: if you have any lingering desire to get a tattoo, spend a day on the beach at the Jersey shore and you may just let go of the idea).
In the evening we drove up to my other cousin’s house in Hillsdale, the town I grew up in. For a few years there I had problems going back to my hometown. There was something unresolved and unforgiven about it. But now it feels different. There’s no person or thing, penance or “final determination” that’s going to put me at peace with the past. I have a lot of happy childhood memories, and I feel very lucky to be around my family. No we’re not perfect at all, but most of the time it feels good to be together. That’s a blessing.
Sunday I beached it some more, had lunch with my Uncle John at Jersey Joe’s and headed back to the city. It felt like I’d been gone for ages, but it was only one night. Sometimes time can go so slow in such a good way. Then last night I had dinner at the Spotted Pig with Beth, Peter, Amy and Patrick. We told the Unicorn Prank story. Fun. 3 glasses of Tempranillo, a glass of Prosecco and staying out til one on a Sunday. Ow. But having a chance to kick back with old friends and enjoy a beautiful summer night out in New York City … very lucky, i do attest.