Bday kicked off beautifully this weekend. Went to my Aunt & Uncle’s place at the Jerz Shore. Cuz Kate drove down and met me and we all went to the beach on Saturday. Sunday Ter, Jack & Carmen all came for the day and we went to the beach again. It was beautiful, the water was perfect … felt like NC back in the day. They even had a Carvel cake for me last night. Ocean, family, ice cream cake ─ dream!
The Evite responses for tonight have ticked up. Going to leave the office early and head down there. Then I’m off for the rest of the week. No big vaycay plans. Need to save some dough. Gonna see the bambino, hang with fam, sleep, work out, hit the beach a few times. Can’t wait to get outta this joint. Not that it’s particularly vexing, my work. I just need a change of pace, break from my (mostly) beloved routine.
Feeling pretty Zen on this 32nd birthday. Much more connected to other people, both the people who I love who are in my life, and strangers on the street. I feel their joy and pain in ways I didn’t used to. I want to help people in any little way I can, even if it’s just meeting their eyes on the subway and smiling. Been reading a helpful book called Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be (recommended by a friend). It’s helping me see how far I’ve come, and where I want to go. It’s happening, I can feel it. Not quick, not all at once. But it’s happening. (I think).
One thing that kinda freaks me the hell out is the loss of ambition I’ve been feeling. I don’t know if it’s authentic. I think it is, but I am unsure. I feel less competitive about things and people. I don’t want to put energy into competing. I want to do new things, creative things, help people and have fun. Also I want to share my love for this world, for my family and life. Haven’t met a partner yet, but I feel like I am on my way.