‘readier’ is actually a word, i think. been saying for a while i was ready to meet a good man. thought i was. well now i guess i’m readier. this time, i will not settle for a dude who passive aggressively puts me down as a perverse way of gaining the upper hand in the relationship.

in the world of the pick-up artist (PUA), it’s called “‘negging'” …

Take the key PUA tactic of ‘negging’, in which, tapping into female insecurity, you offer a woman a line that is both compliment and insult: ‘I like your skirt. I just saw another girl wearing the same one a moment ago.’

Bearing in mind that men are notoriously wary of self-help books about relationships, it could be said that The Game is a male self-help book in disguise, the camouflage being its smart humour and graphic sex scenes. Men are now, in many ways, sexually neutered, as they find themselves on equal footing, financially and career wise, with their prey. With no power advantage, men have to display something above and beyond. Watch any successful womaniser and they act out instinctively what the PUAs have devoted their lives to learning. Techniques such as negging and peacocking have always existed, but this is the first time the alphabet of male seduction has been painstakingly translated and written down.

— “All the right moves” By Emma Forrest Guardian Unlimited Sunday September 11, 2005

Reflecting on the last dude, a good pal aptly stated it: “always jabbing at you, even in a joking kinda way, gets old after a while i’m sure. relationships are about balance, not having the upper hand.”

that’s it in a nutshell. i don’t want someone who’s out to judge and compete with me. or who puts me on an insane pedestal, thereby denying my humanity, my flaws, my feelings, my needs. i want someone who loves me for the woman i am.

“I live for those who love me, for those who know me true.” — George Linnaeus Banks



Filed under love

3 responses to “readier

  1. kristina

    if only we could realize these things while we are dating someone rather than after…oy. good for you, hon, keep your eye on the prize…there are lots of great guys out there who will adore you for precisely because of who and what you are.


  2. nwo

    If a relationship isn’t filled with unrestrained laughter, it is problematic. Enjoy the moments, and stay away from negativity. You’re on the right track!

  3. col

    K, If only. Thanks for the positive reinforcement. You have a huge heart, always have. Your tenderness and wisdom continue to give me strength.

    NWO — Yes, the laughter. And yes, the moments. All too often we forget about the moments. Thanks for the boost!

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