zen col recommends letting go. to quote pema chodron in WHEN THINGS FALL APART:
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us … We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and they fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.
and when zen col falls apart … turns into competitive col and enters the realm of the ego battle, here are some guidelines i try to use. found them in an article entitled “your rights in intellectual conversation” by wendy mc elroy. it was an excerpt from her book the reasonable woman.
Everyone has the right to be uninterested.
Everyone has the right not to understand.
Everyone has the right to be uninformed.
Everyone has the right to make a mistake.
Everyone has the right to change their mind.
Everyone has the right to disagree.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion.
Click here to download the full article (.pdf).