i’ve spent a lot of time here pondering my two sides: zen col and competitive col. can i be competitive without doing harm to others? can i pursue a personal vision without becoming a complete narcissist? can i stop trying to force shit and allow things to unfold? can i tame my ego and trust the flow of the universe without becoming a slug? if i become a slug, will i still be loved? the answer is yes. today it is, anyway.
a colleague told me about this book: finding your own north star by martha beck. its premise (and the basis of modern psychology, for that matter) is that we each have a “social self” and an “essential self” that don’t often communicate well with each other. we tend to be dominated by one side or the other.
here are the qualities of each:
beck makes the point the goal of our lives should be to head toward the “north star” that calls to us by getting both sides of our personalities to cooperate and communicate with each other. like most people, i am overly dominated by my social self. i still say yes when i want to say no. fearing rejection and embarrassment, i often don’t say what’s on my mind. i put more energy into my career than i do into my personal relationships. i care too much what people think about me. am working on it, though. one day at a time.
here’s another chart that expands that dichotomy to a broader level … individuals acting within companies in the pursuit of the businesses’ north star: money.
what’s interesting to me is that the old school command and control style of leadership, a very macho style, is in rapid decline. as a woman in business i couldn’t be happier about that. i like to think transparency and open communications will allow more women and minorities to have a powerful voice in shaping the future.
“god knows we women face our own problems and injustices when it comes to getting ahead in business, but at least we’re not under the illusion that we can match the perfect image of the company men, so we rarely try.” (page 13)