letting it ride

The bike is a dream, I must say. I bought a lock for it today so I can make the occasional stop and leave it outside at pal’s places, stores, etc. Am totes p-noid that someone’s gonna steal it since it’s so cool looking. Alas, que sera sera. That’s an approach I am taking to life overall. It’s a period of pretty epic stress. My Dad is very ill. Compounding the matter is a general denial of reality, or at least the refusal to articulate it … the ongoing propensity to “protect” my brothers, family and friends by pretending it’s all under control. Nothing’s under control. Such is life.

I struggle with how much to disclose, and to whom. You hear about “very private people.” I am not one of those, clearly − my biz is all over the internets. I don’t want pity, I don’t want morbid attention (positive attention? Bring it). But I hate walking around acting like everything’s dandy. It’s hard to give a shit about anything else. The day-to-day stuff that occupies my time is unimportant, but at the same time I’m glad for the distraction. Am fortunate to have an amazing network of people supporting me − family, friends, colleagues. Plus I’m being good to myself −eating well, exercising lots, not working too much. I know this too shall pass but in the meantime, as my pals have helped me acknowledge, I am in it. I’m in it and it blows.

After I bought the lock I drove down to the new Whole Foods in Tribeca (so close — dream!). Got ingredients for a Warm Garbanzo and Quinoa Salad. Cost me 8 bucks. Chucked it all in my backpack and cruised home. Am totes impressed with how well the meal came out. Am also starting to feel myself metamorphosize into something new. In spite of the difficulties, I feel I am on a good path. Lately that good path involves a bike path.

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3 Comments

Filed under love, zen shit

3 responses to “letting it ride

  1. “I don’t want pity, I don’t want morbid attention (positive attention? Bring it). But I hate walking around acting like everything’s dandy. It’s hard to give a shit about anything else. The day-to-day stuff that occupies my time is unimportant, but at the same time I’m glad for the distraction.”

    That sounds a lot like how I felt when my dad was very seriously ill. For me, the good part came when I really, truly embraced the realization that “all of this shit (work, etc) doesn’t matter”. I felt so much relief in just accepting that.

  2. “Que sera sera” is very zen and very Doris Day at the same time. Just like you (that’s a compliment).

  3. here’s to positive attention, love. anytime. xoxoxo

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