A month has passed since Dad died. It’s been odd. I wonder if I should be more upset. People have told me, “It will be a rollercoaster.” “It will take a long time to heal.” “You won’t be yourself for a while.” At moments, I wonder if I should be moving on faster … or slower. Fundamentally I know there is no RIGHT in this situation. The process is.
One thing’s for sure — I’m tired. Take “exhaustion” and drop an anvil on it: that’s how I feel. We buried him on a Friday and I returned to work on the following Tuesday. Having been out of the loop most of the summer, I was anxious to get back to the office. Been busy ever since. September is the biggest month in the TV biz – it’s when we introduce the new shows and schedules. It’s fun, exciting and a lot of work. And on the future of TV front, my boss is speaking at a tech developer conference in SF on Thursday. That too should be fun and cool.
But I’m wiped. I have a gazillion people to call back, write back. I am behind on my sleep. I only made it to Yoga once last week … and I haven’t run or biked in at least 2 weeks. Work busyness is a self-elected distraction. It’s how I’ve dealt with emotional stress my whole life … pushing myself to achieve achieve achieve. It’s a way to avoid dealing with pain. So predictable. So American.
But I’m aware and working on it (of course).