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Dead parent club

Death is a part of life so it follows that the more life you accumulate, the more death you accumulate. It’s rational. Yet, nothing really prepares you for the strange and disorienting departure… and subsequent absence… of a person who defined your life.

Two friends lost parents yesterday. We’re all in our 30’s.. so it’s not SHOCKING, yet still odd. When I came back to work after my Pops passed, a colleague who had also lost his Dad to cancer, stopped over to pay a shiva call. “Welcome to the Dead Dad Club,” he said.

We agreed: it’s weird, it sucks that our parent died young. Yet we are fully formed adults, capable of remembering them (perhaps even an idealized version of them) and keeping them close… So it could be worse.

I think about those who didn’t get to know their parent. The not really knowing… how that could haunt you. Even knowing my Dad and being quite close, the man was a mystery. But due to his prolonged illness, I had the opportunity work out the issues, forgive and come to peace with our relationship before he died. Not everybody gets that chance.

Still, life is not about comparing our lots. It’s about living our own lot, and embracing and enjoying it. Like James Brown said in the song “Hot Pants”…”You’ve got to use just what you have/ to get just what you want.” (I would link to it but am blogging from my iPhone bcse my laptop is once again in the shop. Doh!). Anyways…

The long winded point of this post is that a lot of us have lost a parent or both parents at a relatively young age. It stinks. That said, it is something that can be coped with. It is something we can recover from and move beyond. Good parents even prepare us to do so. And to set aside the value judgement of what constitutes a “good” parent (as a person who was lucky enough to be the daughter of two excellent, devoted parents) it’s the way of the world. Kids grow up into people who beget kids, and it all continues.

Let’s hope we can make some things better in the next rounds of humanity. And rest in peace, parents of my dear pals. Onward valiant soldiers, we march!


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monday media musings

tv_screensI work in media. For the past decade or so the powers that be were worried about online versus TV. Was online going to kill television the way television “killed” radio?  The way it “killed” the major record labels and newspapers? By “kill,” lets’ admit we mean “lessen the social and economic impact of.”  Sometimes less is more … but when billions of dollars are on the line, not so much.

As an industry, we focused more on the platforms than on audience behaviors. Our economic models are wrapped up in the platforms … but users don’t care. We just want what we want (I am counting myself among the users here). Mostly, we want options. Make it easy, make it simple, make it entertaining.

In the case of television, the question is not when and how online will “kill” TV … the question is how will people choose to watch their video?

… will they watch it live?
… will they watch it close to the original airdate? (hours, days months or years later?)
… or will they watch it on demand?

And how can we influence that decision? How can we incentivize people to pay attention when where and how we want them to?

The cable guys are all freaking out now because the chord cutting phenomenon is becoming real. People are deciding that they don’t need to spend $100+ a month to get a giant package of content when all they want is about 10% of what’s offered. Now people can cherrypick what they want through other means (Netflix, Hulu, and Boxee, etc.).

Broadcasters, who are the content engine of the entire ecosystem, are divided on what to do. They are fine with distributing online as long as they can monetize it meaningfully and not cannibalize their existing business. Cable chord cutting wouldn’t really bother them so much … except for the fact that the cable guys pay them retransmission fees. If the cable guys are hurting, then they have less guaranteed income to return to broadcasters. Guaranteed income = good. Uncertainty = bad.

It’s pretty complicated. If you care to read a bit more, this is a decent article.


Distribution matters aside, the intersection of search and social and video on demand is what’s very much on my brain at the mo. Today I signed up for a social search service called aardvark. It lets you tap into your social nets to ask questions and get answers from real people in real time.

For example, I am moving to the East Village on Friday and want to get  an idea of Yoga studios in the neighborhood. I posed the question and within less than a minute I had an AIM message with an answer. A good answer. I got an email a few hours later with more good answers. So now I have a list of Yoga Studios in the East Village provided by people who use and like them – not by the studios that paid the most for SEO.

Very Zen Col if you ask me.

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zenning out

now“You can observe a lot just by watching.” — Yogi Berra

Each day, people go about their lives. Going to work, going to school. In a way that says: same as it ever was. Myself too, in this mix. Meanwhile, gigantic walls are crumbling, bottoms falling out from the intangible structures that have carried us to the present. Behind me I see kids applying to college, looking for jobs, wanting to “climb the ranks.” Ahead of me I see “the ranks” dissolving, or at least flattening out. Large institutions transforming into horizontal waves of connected individuals. Planning is a feature of the old. We can’t plan, as a society. Pensions? Retirement? “An end in sight?” Nope. None of that. All we’ve got is now. Is that good? Is that bad? Neither. It just is.

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Colloween approaches

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Costumes, wigs, revelry, candy. So many things I love. Each year, I attempt to embody something or someone from the zeitgeist.

Last year I was The Housing Bubble:


In 2007, I was the moronic Miss South Carolina.


The year before, the recently deceased Steve Irwin.

Two years before that, I was Mauled Roy Horn.


As articulated here on colsblog, I used to have a policy against gratuitously slutty costumes. That sanctimonious stance has ebbed as I’ve aged. At 34 I can admit that slutty’s fun, and I love my sexy self.

Just so happens, however, that my getup this year will completely obscure my feminine features. It might even be a little bit scary. I have procured the main piece of the costume and am now working out the details which, of course, make or break an ensemble.

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winds of change

changeisinthewindtitle not intended as an obvious/gratuitous scorpions reference. or a callout to the crisp nip in the air in nyc today. tis more than that. times, they are a changin. they have been, and will be. but at times like this … for a few days or weeks however the glow lasts … it shall be visible to the untrained eye. tempted? intrigued? you should be. stay tuned, lovelies!

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oh, curb. LD, how much do i love you? not enough to bed you, but take that amount and subtract a fraction. thats how much. oh buddy.


he made a funny comment on letterman last week about not getting laid much. brian stelter wrote about it in the nytimes today:

Similarly, it did not come up on the Friday episode of “The Late Show,” which was taped on Thursday. But some viewers noticed a pointed comment about Mr. Letterman’s personal life by his guest on Friday’s show, Larry David, the star of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

“I’ve probably broken a record for the least amount of sex for a person who has their own television show,” Mr. David said to Mr. Letterman, adding, “I probably broke yours.”

Mr. Letterman laughed sheepishly as the audience clapped. “I don’t know,” the host said. “Oh, buddy.”


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i love the concept of regeneration. you’re not casting off your core … you are merely evolving, renewing. if you are going to be happy in this life, you must regenerate. disappointments happen. tragedies happen. random events occur throwing us out of our comfort zones. you have to shed the dead skin. leave that which you’ve outgrown or outlived behind. it’s sad when people are involved. i hate goodbyes. this week i ended it with a therapist i’ve been seeing for 5+ years. she agreed i was ready. we hugged and cried and recapped the “greatest hits” in my personal development. “i thought it was a great move when you bleached your hair!” she said. cute.the core of who you are is always there. the core people who are in your heart, in your self-created family are there. when one energy leaves, a new one arrives. such is life. i’ve posted this before, but think it bears repeating … this fabulous little animated video for the  jdilla song “nothing like this”:


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